I Can't Breathe Without You
by queenC-13
Summary: Immediately following Emma's disappearance as the dark one-and Regina's subsequent reactions. Basically introspective on Regina and my head-canons of her previously dealing with depression. Angst warning, SQ mentions


It was as though all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Emma was gone. She was there one moment, talking about Regina's happiness and how she had worked too hard… and then she was just, _gone._

Regina felt Robin's arms come around her in some sort of comfort, but they didn't bring any. She felt restrained; uncomfortable. She shrugged his arms away and strode over to where Emma had been. To where… the dagger now lay. A presence came up from behind her, and she looked up, thankful to see Snow and not the dreaded pirate.

She knew she had no reason to hate him anymore, especially now that her and Emma were friends and had been working together, but whenever she saw him with Emma she just… didn't like it.

"Regina," Snow said, her voice cracking as her hand landed lightly on Regina's shoulder. This touch, Regina didn't shove off. Instead she stood up, turning into the touch, her eyes connecting with Snow's own watery orbs.

"Where did she-?"

Regina cut Snow off, "I don't know."

"But-"

"I don't _know_ ," she repeated, an anxious edge to her voice. "It's so much power… mixing with Emma's light magic, I don't know what happened."

"Well you can figure it out right?" Hook finally spoke up, an arrogant edge to his voice, clearly expecting Regina to fix his problems.

Regina glared at him in response, ignoring Snow's huff of disapproval beside her.

"We will _all_ figure it out," David said, putting a hand on Regina's other shoulder.

She smiled at him gratefully, thinking briefly how even just a year ago this never would be happening-comfort from the Charming's of all people. But right now, they were the only people she wanted to see. The only people that could make her feel more connected to Emma. Except-

Henry.

Oh God, Henry.

How was she going to tell him?

He just thought he lost one mother in their alternate world, how could he lose another one in the real world?

Regina sank to the ground, gasping for air, black spots clouding her vision. She couldn't get a breath in; it felt like a knife was stuck right in the middle of her chest. Her ears were buzzing, white noise blocking the sound of muffled voices, until suddenly there was a gentle one breaking through right beside her.

"Regina, _breathe_."

Slowly, following the breaths of the body behind her, Regina's vision started to clear and she became aware that it was Snow holding her, helping her. Finally she looked up, and was glad to see that the men had disappeared, presumably by Charming's urging.

"Are you alright?"

"No," Regina answered honestly, her eyes welling up with tears. "I don't know how we'll find her. I don't know how I can tell Henry. I don't-"

"It's okay," Snow said.

"It's not alright," Regina said, pushing away from Snow and standing up. "Your daughter is the Dark One now or have you already forgotten?" she spat out.

"Of course I haven't forgotten. But there's nothing we can do right now, is there? So go get Henry, and we'll figure out to do in the morning."

Regina stared at the other woman for a moment, stunned at the attitude she had received in return, but then slowly nodded. Get home. Tell Henry. She could do that.

Only she couldn't.

After telling Henry, she somehow made it to her bed, collapsing. The darkness started swirling up around her, like an old friend coming to great her.

Only it wasn't like an old friend… it was like someone toxic that she used to know, that she thought she cut out of her life, but now had come back, begging for forgiveness. And she couldn't say no… she missed it, in a way. The familiar pain, the dizziness swirling around her head and stone in her stomach.

It was like poison, rushing through her veins and racing towards her heart.

Regina couldn't tell how long she had been laying in her bed after a point-it was like time had ceased to move. The fact that Emma was gone just kept swirling around in her head, and she couldn't even figure out why it was affecting her so much.

Emma Swan was her friend.

Emma Swan was her… best friend.

Emma Swan saved her life.

Emma Swan was… everything to her.

She needed to get Emma back, but she had no idea how. So she was staying in her bed. Belatedly realizing that she didn't even know if Henry was asleep, or if he had called his grandparents like he said he would.

The curtains to her windows were drawn, shrouding the room in perpetual darkness. Regina wasn't hungry, or tired. She was just numb. Like she had been all those years before, when she cast the curse. Only this time it felt worse, in a way, and Regina couldn't figure out why.

It was almost like… when Emma was gone, and the darkness had overtaken her, Regina had lost part of her heart herself. The lightness that had always felt so strong with Emma around was dimmer, as if it had nothing to beat for.

She couldn't make sense of it, she never could.

She never knew why every time she was around Emma, it was like she was complete. It was like kindred spirits in a way, the two of them opposite sides of the same coin.

Not like it was with Robin.

But Robin… was her soulmate. She was supposed to be with him. And so she finally was. She went through so much to get her back… so much with Emma helping her get him back… that she had to be with him.

But all she could think about with Emma.

It was with every breath she took, every beat of her heart. _Emma, Emma, Emma._

Though the fact that her heart was beating at all made Regina sure that Emma was alive, somewhere. But whether she was the woman that Regina knew and… loved, well, that was another story altogether.

And there it was. Regina loved her.

It was like a block had been taken down in her mind, and was now flowing with the realization. Regina was in love with Emma Swan. And so she had to get her back.

Sitting up with a sense of renewed energy, Regina looked at the clock, seeing that it was already 1 in the afternoon. Henry was probably with his grandparents, and if not, then they would go to the apartment together.

She moved around her room, picking out something simple to dress in when suddenly every nerve in her body came alive, crackling with electricity and magic. She then felt the presence behind her and held her breath, stilling as a voice came from behind her, both familiar and not all at once.

"... Regina?"

 **A/N As such always happens when I'm going through a hard time, I turn it into Swan Queen angst! This came out pretty quickly but I hope you all enjoyed it anyway**


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